Self Isolation Day 19. Sorry, not sorry.

So I discovered you can watch old movies on Youtube, it's changed my quarantine! Last night I watched The Enchanted April set in Italy in the 20's and today Tea With Mussolini set during the last war in Florence and all the memories of life with my late husband and the daughter travelling to incredible places within this country swept me away on a tide of gratitude and a seismic jolt about what is happening to it now. Last year I was wandering the streets and galleries of Florence, in the warmth of a late spring, surrounded by patient Italians and astonished tourists. When I was there I was reading a novel about a plague in Florence and Siena in 1346 where 60% of their citizens died of the Black Plague. This was written by Agnolo di Tura in 1349:

The city of Siena seemed almost uninhabited for almost no one was found in the city. And then, when the pestilence abated [lessened], all who survived gave themselves over to pleasures: monks, priests, nuns, and lay men and women all enjoyed themselves, and none worried about spending and gambling. And everyone thought himself rich because he had escaped and regained the world, and no one knew how to allow himself to do nothing .... 1349. After the great pestilence of the past year each person lived according to his own caprice [impulse], and everyone tended to seek pleasure in eating and drinking, hunting, catching birds, and gaming. from William Bowsky,ed.

The article was named The Black Death - The turning point in history.That was more than 600 years ago. Was it the turning point? Will it be ours? Make us more aware of our mortality, make us appreciate life, friends, family, toilet paper? Will we stop taking our lives for granted? The Italians, as with all ancient cultures, have been through this via their DNA many times before and they'll pick themselves up and start having Spritz's again, having their passeggiata in the early evening accompanied by kids, wine and gelato, living life and loving it more than most. Have you wondered how we will emerge at the end of this quarantine period? Here in France where we went very quickly into total lockdown and have been for 19 days, will we venture out with trepidation and fear when they give us the go ahead? Will we be confident that it is safe enough? For how long will we wash our hands carefully? Will we become more decadent? Will we go crazy and buy a lot of things we've survived without? Will we ever trust in the cleanliness of public transport or will we always carry our hand sanitiser at all times? I can't imagine how we will emerge back into normal living. It'll be interesting to see. I'd love to be there when Italy's cafes and restaurants open, I'd love to be there when people can open their doors and embrace and double kiss in the streets without crossing the road in fear.

Meanwhile I'm starting to cover the empty wall of my room with paintings. Some of which I'm happy with, some I'm not but they're colourful and cover the whiteness of my life at the moment. And P.S, I didn't go out today, not once. That's a first. Had a bit of a shutdown.

This article took itself seriously tonight. Sorry, not sorry.

Self Isolation Day 18. Time to Smudge.

Can you believe it's day 18? We can. One by one, we fell by the wayside yesterday and today. Decisions being made about how long we stay here, when and how to get back home; our dreams diluted with reality. And we are the very lucky ones. My three hour in the middle of the night 'wakeathon' is starting to unsettle me but I feel I share it with quite a few people. The uncertainty of life is probably a deal breaker for people most of the time but isolation compounds it. I got used to it travelling solo last year but I was alone with humans around me. I'm finding the empty streets quite confronting but the desire to survive is inherent in most of us as we cross the road and keep our distance, unlike the crowds of people at Manly beach yesterday, totally ignoring the rules. Maybe it's my age that makes me so paranoid.

Tonight, after a late afternoon run (well walk really) to purchase Rum and Coca Cola, we took matters into our own hands. The daughter decided to cleanse the house of the negative energy emanating from our anxiety with Palo Santo, the sweet smelling resin, it smoked through the house and I'm sure the C virus would have thought twice about entering our abode. From being in the depths of despair this morning, the daughter has risen from the ashes of her smudging ritual and rushes to the balcony at eight o'clock with a bowl and spoon to add her signature to the clapping. She is my shining light. WE CAN DO THIS!

On a lighter note - Austria and Malta now have the toilet paper debacle with Malta also having a yeast shortage! Good to see that when times get tough, the not so tough get baking.

Finally finished the figs.

Self Isolation Day 17. The Aliens have Landed.

So I went for a walk and found a space ship. Bet you weren't expecting that! Things have taken a strange twist since I started watching Ancient Aliens out of desperation on Netflix. I took myself towards another part of the river and there she was, on stilts. Made my day. (See photo below).

During my nightly two hour wake around 3.30, I've been checking up on people I met in Italy last year, seeing how they are surviving during this period. One lovely photographer buddy is in New York, self isolating on her own. Another guy from Modena is also doing the same, he's been in lockdown since February 24. I'm so lucky to have the girls. Our saviour is social media but it's also freaking us out to no end. The addiction is real. I can't help myself checking stats at 4 am in the hope that suddenly things might have shifted, curves flattened overnight.

And so I write because it's my outlet for many emotions at the moment. I've wanted to be a writer since I was fifteen. I wrote so many novels that are now shelved in my cupboards. I was a nerd, I was reclusive and happiest writing poetry and fiction. My first one for school was called To The Sea with Marina as the romantic heroine...of course. And then teenage angst and anxiety almost crippled me and I came out of it at twenty three and met my late husband. I had no need for escapism, I was living a crazy life with an eccentric workaholic Italian, selling homemade jewellery and pottery at markets, working my way up to galleries and then homeschooling. There was never the time. Oh, I kept journals infrequently and in the back of my mind I was always going to write again. But I didn't. It took a worldwide crisis to get me going again. So strangely enough I have Covid 19 to thank for translating my inner voice once more. I'm not at home so I can't paint the house yet again, or clean out the cupboards or redo the garden so to prevent depression isolating me even further, I had to write. I'm so grateful for the comments I get and that you guys out there are reading my blog. It's a miracle for me and is giving me back my confidence that had been eroded through a number of events over the last few years. Miracles do happen and alien spacecraft can be seen when least expected.